Hey Reader,

I recently read a newsletter that listed 25 jobs you could hand over to AI, each with the exact instructions to copy. What I loved about it was that every job was designed to help you use AI more efficiently, and therefore a lot less. That’s always been my goal. If I’m going to use AI, I want to make the most of my time there, not waste the planet’s resources through careless use of it.

It got me thinking about how to apply the same principle to something completely different: my niche, speaking under pressure.

So here are five situations the women I work with face all the time, and exactly how I’d prepare if it were me. This isn’t about what to say or how to deliver it. It’s about the connection you have with your body before you walk into the room, and while you’re in it.

How to get the most out of this email

Your time matters, so please don’t read the whole thing. Skim the five headings, find the one that fits what’s coming up for you, and stick with that one.

Then save it somewhere. Copy that section into your notes app, or if you’re more like me, write it down and keep it in your bag or wallet. I like having something physical to look at.

1. The PhD viva​
​Start: four weeks out

Your examiners expect you to know the work, which is exactly why they ask questions designed to catch you out. They want to see how you handle the ones you didn’t see coming. And you do know the work, because you’ve spent the last three years buried in it. The challenge is showing that without your body hijacking you, which makes succeeding in your viva as much a body skill as a knowledge one.

What I’d do:

• Four weeks out: draw up a list of questions you could be asked and, if it’s allowed, run through them with your supervisor. Then practise them on your own and notice which ones unsettle you. Instead of rushing back to rework the answer, get really clear on what happens in your body when that question lands. Where do you tense up? What happens to your breath?
• Whenever you’re working with your thesis: slow your breath down, both the in-breath and the out-breath. Do it every time you pick it up, so your body starts to link that document with a slower breath.
• On the morning: take five minutes to slow your breathing before you leave the house. Yes, it’ll speed up again the moment you shut the front door, but those five minutes are already stored in your body.
• In the room: as you hold your thesis, slow your breath, just as you’ve practised. After each question, let your out-breath finish completely before you breathe in and begin your answer.

2. Your first conference keynote​
​Start: three weeks out

At a conference, the hard part often isn’t the talk itself. It’s your name being called as you’re introduced, the walk to the lectern, and the polite applause from an audience still deciding whether you’re any good. Then comes the unfamiliar room, the unfamiliar faces, and that first minute of being front and centre. And somewhere at the back of your mind, you’re aware of the colleagues who wish they’d been asked instead.

What I’d do:

• Three weeks out: rehearse standing up, out loud and in full, in a room you don’t know. If you work at a university, book a classroom you never teach in, outside teaching hours. Don’t try to get it right. Just notice how your body reacts without trying to change anything, and listen to the words running through your head. Write them down in your notes app. I did exactly this when I launched my Steady Speaker Intensive for the first time this summer, to crickets. I wrote down everything I was saying to myself - I’ll tell you more about that in next week’s email.
• Right before: arrive early if you can. If the room is free, stand where you’ll speak, or as close as you can get. Turn around, face where the audience will sit, and take in the size of the room. Notice what’s going on in your body and in your head. Again, don’t change anything. Just listen.
• Throughout the day: keep coming back to grounding, right up until you speak. Feel your feet on the floor and really push the floor away. Drop your shoulders down away from your ears. Remind yourself to do both, again and again.
• During: repeat that grounding in the natural pauses of your talk. That might be a slide transition, a question you’ve asked the audience to think about rather than answer out loud, or any moment you’ve built in for reflection. Use that silence to push down through your feet, drop your shoulders and look at your audience.

3. Presenting the numbers to the board​
​Start: one week out

You know the data inside out. Your slides are great. You and your work wife, Lauren, have been practising together, because this is the first time you’ve actually spoken to the board. What you haven’t anticipated is what happens in you when the chair starts frowning at slide six. And someone is definitely going to frown. We’re human, and it’s just what we do.

This is a high-stakes room. How you speak in front of your superiors shapes how they see you, and that can decide whose name goes on the list for the next promotion.

You might have seen the news about the White House press secretary who lasted just five days. Most of the coverage has focused on her claiming to be a lawyer when she wasn’t. But watching her first briefing, I couldn’t help wondering how much the way she spoke shaped how people saw her. Her breathing looked strained, and she had all the hallmarks of someone caught in the glare of the room. We’ll never know how prepared she was on content. But I do wonder whether, with a little support for how her body was reacting to the spotlight, she’d have been able to say what she came to say.

What I’d do:

• One week out: as you run through it, notice how you’re breathing. Is there a point where you run out of breath? Do you hold it anywhere? Does it feel as if all you can do is breathe in? This run-through is less about getting the data and the words right, and more about noticing your breath.
• Right before: drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and breathe out fully, right to the end of the exhale.
• During: when you notice someone frowning (and they will), hold eye contact with them a little longer, so they feel that connection with you. Remind yourself that a frown doesn’t always mean they disagree or aren’t taking you seriously. Their chair might be uncomfortable, their stomach might be rumbling, or they might be replaying an argument with their partner. It isn’t always about you. Then breathe out and carry on.

4. The client pitch where they keep interrupting​
​Start: the week before

Being interrupted isn’t the problem. It’s something to expect and plan for. Clients have every right to interrupt when you’re pitching to them. You are, after all, asking for their money. What you don’t want to do is rush to get back into the conversation, because that’s where you lose your thread and your authority.

What I’d do:

• The week before: practise being interrupted. Ask a colleague to cut in two or three times during a run-through, but don’t tell them when. Let them choose, so it feels as close to the real thing as possible. Then notice what happens in your body, especially your breath and your shoulders. When we’re cut off mid-sentence, many of us hold our breath. An interruption can feel aggressive, even when it isn’t meant that way, so we brace for it, and that bracing often can show up in the breath and the shoulders.
• When they cut in: stop, breathe out, and wait for them to finish. Then take one more breath in through your nose before you reply. I know that sounds counterintuitive, like you’re handing them more airtime when you want to make your point. But being interrupted can tip you into fight or flight, and then even carefully chosen words can come out sounding anxious, frustrated or sharp. That breath gives your nervous system a moment to settle, so your voice comes across as calm and steady. You’ll be seen as someone who handles interruptions calmly and professionally, not someone who gets flustered.
• Getting back on track: thank them first, because they’re your client. Then either answer their point there and then, or park it: “Thank you, that’s a really good point. Let me finish this thought and then we’ll come back to it.” Pick up your thread by repeating your last sentence, and make sure you do come back to what they raised.

5. The meeting where you always go quiet​
​Start: this week

You’ve read the meeting notes and you’ve got a question. You’ve written it down and reworded it several times so it doesn’t sound too direct. But when the moment comes, you just can’t get the words out. You start telling yourself it’s better to let someone else take it, and then someone else asks it anyway.

It isn’t the highest-stakes room, but you know that if you never speak in these meetings, people will forget you’re there. You’ll be sidelined. And you know you’re cut out for more in this role than being the quiet one.

What I’d do:

• Before: write your question down, and don’t be afraid to have it in front of you in the meeting. It shows you’ve prepared.
• When it’s time to speak: put your feet flat and breathe out. Place your hands on your legs or on the table, lengthen your spine so you’re sitting tall, drop your shoulders away from your ears, and keep your chin parallel to the table. The top half of your body is now mirroring Tadasana, or mountain pose, in yoga: a posture of stability. Resting your hands or your notes on the table also means you’re taking up your space at it. There’s research on this that I don’t have room for here, but hit reply if you’d like a couple of resources.
• After you’ve asked: breathe out fully and focus on the answer you’re given. If you feel heat rising in your face, remind yourself that blushing doesn’t mean you don’t know your stuff. Research suggests it can actually make people trust you more. Chad will probably snigger, but nobody likes Chad anyway.

What all five have in common

Each one starts with noticing what your body does under pressure, and then having a plan for it. That’s the whole approach.

Your turn

Reply and tell me which of these resonated with you, or a situation I haven’t covered, and I’ll send you back a quick plan like these to get you started.

Ellie

P.S. Would you rather hear all this than read it? In the Telegram Circle, I share trainings like this as voice notes, with a little extra in there too. Not in the Circle yet? Join here.